Medical Records

June 1, 2022:

It has been three years since I consumed alcohol. During that time, hard seltzers became a thing. I have never had one. I also have still not tested positive for COVID-19, despite living life to the fullest extent you can with a full-time job and no alcohol. Trains, planes, Austin motels. Concerts, comedy shows, a circus. Some of the nastiest elevators with the bald eagle-est bandanas around. All this, and no COVID!

The logical conclusion – that doctors are too afraid to admit – is that Whiteclaw causes COVID-19.

December 2020:

It’s my disappointment to report that I’ve been without health insurance since January 1, 2020. This was my choice. It didn’t make sense to spend $700 a month on inconsistent coverage just as I entered a period of unstable employment, also known as freelance work.

Of course, I didn’t expect New York to be walloped with the plague, nor did I expect the federal government to look the other way as NYC largely didn’t align with its core voter base. A crime against humanity! So, I lived without health insurance through perpetual sirens in the world’s epicenter of a new, wildly infectious virus that overloaded the healthcare system.

Some might say, “Wow. You live in a failed State!” But, that’s not true. At least in New York, the State didn’t want me to die. We’re not Florida.

No, it was actually the free market that wanted me to die. And nevertheless, I persisted 🙂

Thankfully, the State of New York, which sat on its hands too long but eventually provided more leadership and honesty than the significantly better-funded federal government, has provided free COVID-19 swab testing and antibody testing to its residents.

And – get this – from wearing a mask regularly and avoiding close indoor contact with others whenever possible, I tested negative for COVID-19 antibodies in early May 2020. I also tested negative for COVID-19 after attending protests in June, and I tested negative again for both antibodies and the swab test prior to an out-of-state trip in late July 2020.

That said, in November 2020, I travelled via airplane to an hourlong indoor wedding, which shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Regardless, over the course of 2.5 weeks, I tested negative for COVID-19 on four separate occasions, likely the result of wearing both a mask and face shield in close quarters.

Other than this, I recently paid $40 for my annual flu shot (September 2020), regularly wear contacts to see life’s little details, and intermittently deal with light allergies related to declining air quality.

Also, in April 2019, I shattered my humerus in three places by throwing a dodgeball too hard. It wasn’t funny.

Hopefully there will be nothing else to report here, but please stay tuned for additional @reitzbitz medical information!

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